Ode to nice guys

Found this post on alok’s blog 

A bit lengthy, but a good read.

This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, and your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, insane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

5 thoughts on “Ode to nice guys”

  1. In short, it is about those few good Gentlemen ! But hold on, I am all for such a guy. I mean why would I think twice about falling in love with a man who is completely just neat from his mind to soul ! But sigh, I am not single, I guess I grabbed when I found one ! hee hee…Great read..Thanks for posting it

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  2. THE ODE TO NICE GUYS IS GREAT UP TO A POINT. HOWEVER SOME THINGS
    JUST ISN’T ME.
    LET ME EXPLAIN AT PRESENT I’M A 62 YR. OLD MALE WHO CONSIDERED HIMSELF TO BE SHY (TO THE MAX)
    A NICE GUY THAT WAS ALWAYS IN THE FREIND ZONE OR CONSIDERED TO BE THE (LIKE AN OLDER BROTHER) I WAS TOLD I WAS SWEET BUT JUST NOT BOYFREIND MATERIAL. LIKE MOST GUYS I HAD MY CRUSHES (WHICH WERE MANY) BUT AS A AFAR TYPE OF THING. I WAS YOUR 125 LB SKINNY KID THAT I’VE BEEN TOLD BY MY TWO DAUGHTERS AFTER SEEING MY HIGH SCHOOL PIC THAT I WAS ACTUALLY HANDSOME.(I TOLD THEM ,I’VE BEEN ACCUSED OF ALOT OF THINGS IN MY LIFE BUT THATS A FIRST) YOU SEE I ALWAYS THOUGHT I MUST BE UGLY OR SOMETHING BECAUSE I COULDN’T ATTRACT A GIRL WITH HONEY(LOL)
    WHAT I DIDN’T KNOW WAS (WHICH I DIDN’T KNOW UNTIL RECENTLY ) WAS THERE WERE SOME CUTE HGIRLS THAT LIKED ME BUT I WASN’T PICKING UP ON THINGS (ALITTLE DENSE IN THE HEAD SO TO SPEAK) THIS BEING WOMEN/GIRLS BODY LANGUAGE WHICH IS AT TIMES VERY SUBTLE AND ONE HAS TO BE VERY ATTENTIVE TO SEE AT TIMES. BUT WHEN SHY AND NOT SURE OF YOURSELF (YES I KNOW NOT A GOOD THING) BECAUSE WHEN ONE COULD BUILD UP ENOUGH COURAGE TO ASK A GIRL ONE OF SEVERAL THINGS HAPPENED .
    1. GET AWAY FROM ME CREEP
    2. YOUR LIKE A BROTHER
    3. YOUR SWEET BUT NO.
    4. HUMPH TURN AWAY WITH A SCOWL
    SO SOME GUYS LIKE ME MAY HAVE GIVEN UP TRYING , WHICH I QUESS MADE US LOOK STUCK UP MAYBE.
    ANYWAYS BACK TO GIRLS BODY LANGUAGE THERE IS SOME THAT MEANS THEY ARE INTERESTED AND SOME THAT MEANS GET THE HELL AWAY.
    I FOUND OUT THAT THERE WERE AT LEAST 6 GIRLS THAT WAS BROADCASTING THAT THEY LIKED ME
    JUST NEVER KNEW . I WOULD VENTURE ON A 1 TO 10 SCALE WITH 10 BEING THE HOTTEST THAT THEY MAY HAVE BEEN 7 OR 8’S BUT EVEN THEY (I THOUGHT WERE OUT OF MY LEAGUE)
    HEY GUYS I WAS SO SHY THAT I WENT OUT OF MY WAY TO AVOID DIRECT CONTACT WITH GIRLS AT TIMES, UNLESS IT WAS SOMETHING I COULDN’T GET OUT OF. YES I KNOW
    WUSSIE I CAN HEAR IT NOW .
    OH BY THE WAY SINCE THEN I ACTUALY DEVELOPED A PERSONALITY
    (WEIRD ONE) BUT AN ACTUAL FUNNY WHEN I WANT TO BE PERSONALITY.
    OK, HERE’S MY RANT ON NICE GUYS.
    WE ARE THE MOST MISUNDERSTOOD CREATURES ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH. BUT MAY I SAY WE MAY FINISH LAST BUT 90% OF THE TIME THE WAIT IS WORTH THE TURMOIL. BECAUSE GENERALY WE WIND UP WITH WHAT WE’RE ACUALLY WANTING. ITS BEEN A PROVEN FACT THEAT GIRLS BETWEEN 15 AND 25 OR SO HAVE THEIR HEADS SCREWED ON WRONG. THAT CAUSES MANY OF THEM TO WANT THE BAD GUY TYPES. I’VE RECENTLY FOUND OUT THAT A MEDICAL RESEARCH FACILITY DID A TEST OF TWO GROUPS OF WOMEN ONE WHO TOOK BIRTH CONTROL PILLS AND ONE GROUP WHO DIDN’T. ALL THE ONES ON BIRTH CONTROL PILLS CHOSE THE BAD GUY TYPES. THE ONES THAT WERE NOT ON THE PILLS MORE OF THEM CHOSE THE NICE GUY TYPES THERE WERE A FEW EXCEPTIONS. THE WOMEN THAT WERE ON THE PILL WHEN WANTING TO HAVE CHILDREN THAT CAME OFF THE PILL DURING THEIR PREGNANCY AND THE MODIFIED ESTROGEN WORE OFF THEIR SYSTEM SUDDENLY RELIZED THEY MARRIED THE WRONG GUY. SOME EVEN GOT DIVORCES. NOW HERE’S THE KICKER THE WOMEN NOT ON THE PILL
    AFTER HAVING A NUMBER OF CHILDREN THAT WANTED NO MORE AND GOT ON THE PILL SOME OF THEM LEFT THEIR HUSBANDS WONDERING WHY THEY WERE DOWN THE STREET SHAGGING A NEIGHBOR. SOME WOULD EVEN ASK THIS I AM IN A LOVING GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH MY HUSBAND WHY AM I CHEATING ON HIM. THESE MEDICAL RESEARCHERS SAID THAT THE MODIFIED ESTROGEN CHANGES THE CHEMICAL MIX IN WOMENS BRAINS AND ACTUALLY CAUSES THEM TO MAKE POOR DESCISSIONS.
    WHY DO I MAKE MENTION OF THIS ,
    WELL EVER SINCE THE 1960’S AND THE PILL CAME OUT WOMEN HAVE FELT FREER TO HAVE SEX(YES THIS EVEN INCLUDED TEEN GIRLS OF MY TIME AND EVEN TODAY) SO IS IT NO WONDER THAT THAT ACTED SO STRANGE TO SOME OF US NICE GUYS.
    OK BY THE TIME WOMEN REACH BETWEEN 25 AND OLDER AND MORE MATURE IT BEEN PROVEN THEY ACTUALLY PREFER THE NICE GUYS OVER THE BAD GUY’S. SO GUYS MAYBE THIS MAY REALLY EXPLAIN WHATS GOING ON IN THEIR HEADS.
    WE HAVE PEOPLE LIKE US (THIS INCLUDES GIRLS ALSO THAT MAY FIT IN AND KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE SHY OR A NICE GIRL) 1ST LET ME SAY THIS MY RANT DOESN’T INCLUDE YOU GIRLS THAT ARE SUPPOETIVE OF THE NICE GUYS(MY NICE GUY GROUP INCLUDES THE FOLLOW NERDS,GEEKS,4-EYES{TO YOU THAT DON’T KNOW ANYONE THAT WEARS GLASSES}OR IS ANY WAY DIFFERENT FROM THE NORM
    THAT POST SUPPORTIVE TRYING TOP HELP SOME ONE THEN WE HAVE THE ONES THAT TRY TO TEAR DOWN ,ACTUALLY INSULT US AND SAY SHAPE UP WHILE I TRY TO SELL YOU A BOOK ON HOW YOU CAN MAKE IT WITH THE HOT CHICKS/OR GUYS IN THE GIRLS CASE.
    THIS IS MY TAKE ON THEM
    ITS BEEN SAID BY MANY MEDICAL RESEARCHERS AND SELF ADMITED GOOD GUYS THAT MANY JERKS WERE ONCE NICE GUY TYPES. DON’T BELIEVE CHK OUT SOME OTHER BLOG SITES ALONG THE GOOD GUY /JERKS CONVO’S
    WHICH MAKES THEM SUBJECTIVE TO HAVING PROBLEMS THEMSELVES THEY JUST HIDE IT BY BEING HOW THEY ARE AS JERKS . LET A GOOD GUY MOVE INTO THEIR TERRITORY AND THEY GET DEFENSIVE AND ABUSIVE IN THEIR TALK SUCH ON MANY OF THESE BLOGGS EVEN INSULTING WHICH DOESN’T REALY HELP THEY MAY BE AFRAID THAT THE NICE GUYS MAY ACTUALLY GET SOME WHERE SIO THEY GET DEFENSIVE IN THEIR TACTICS WHICH MEANS ALOT OF THINGS THEY ACCUSE THE NICE GUYS OF SUCH AS BEING THEY ARE BECAUSE MANY WERE ONCE NICE ALSO. HAVING THE SAME TRAITS. I HAVE MORE RANT ON THIS SUBJECT BUT GOT TO GO FOR THE TIME BEING . LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK PRO OR CON. HOWEVER BE CAREFUL ON THE CON BECAUSE I CAN GET TO BE VERY MEAN IN WORDS WHEN I HAVE TO AND GIVE BACK AS WELL AS I GET.

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  3. OK , I’M BACK….. TO CONTINUE MY RANT. THIS ODE TO NICE GUYS IS GOOD BUT .
    NICE GUYS WHICH I BELEIVE I WAS ONE FINALLY DID FINISH LAST BUT I AT LEAST FINISHED. BUT I GOT THE GIRL (OR SHOULD I SAY SHE GOT ME)
    ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10 SHE WAS A 7 MAYBE NOT THE HOTTEST BUT DEFINITLY A KEEPER. BEEN MARRIED NOW FOR ALMOST 40YRS. LONG TERM .
    WHAT I DIDN’T KNOW UNTIL AFTER WE STARTED DATING HEAVILY (NO ACTUALLY SHE MOVED IN WITH ME)
    JUST WHAT I LIKE A TAKE CHARGE GIRL UP TO A POINT. SHE WAS ALSO A BIT OF A NYMPHO SHE WORE ME OUT. I’LL LET THAT SINK IN.
    FROM JR. HIGH THRU TILL I WAS 26 YRS OLD I WAS A VIRGIN. OK LAUGH IF YOU WANT BUT TRUE. THEN SUDDENLY THIS NICE GIRL (SHY ALITTLE UNTIL I GOT TO KNOW HER BETTER. REMEMBER NME SAYING THE WAIT WAS WORTH IT WELL THAT S WHY GUYS. IT MAY SEEM AN ETERNITY BUT HANG IN THERE.
    OK , I KNOW WE ALL HAVE HAD GIRLS WE MAY HAVE DOTED ON AND WISHED WAS OURS BUT WE JUST COULDN’T FIQURE OUT WHY THEY WOULDN’T GIVE US A TUMBLE. LETS STOP AND ASK OURSELVES A QUESTION. WE ALL WANT A GIRL/(BOY IN A GIRLS CASE) THAT IS LOVING CARING AND WANTS TO BE WITH US. BEING GOOD LOOKING IS A PLUS BUT IF WERE HONEST GOOD LOOKS ISN’T A PRIORITY. AS THE OLD SAYING GOES BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER. SHE MAY NOT BE MISS JAN OF PLAYBOY MAG. BUT SHE HAS A GOOD PERSONALITY WHICH IS AN INNER BEAUTY. BECAUSE WE ALLL KNOW (OR I THINK WE DO ) THEY CAN BE LIKE MISS JAN OF PLAYBOY AND BE A COLD FISH PERSONALITY WISE.

    OK WE AS NICE GUYS ARE PRECEIVED AND / OR ASSUMED TO BE MANY THINGS
    BORING , NO FUN, TO POLITE, NOT SEXUAL ACTIVE (GIVE US A BREAK HERE OK WE’RE NEBVER GIVEN A CHANCE TO BE THAT AND IF ANY DID THEY WOULD HAVE FOUND IN SOME US AT LEAST A BLAZING INFERNO, WHICH LUCKILY SOME HAVE.) IT’S PRESUMED (BUT HERE IT IS NEVER PROVEN THATNICE GUYS ARE BORING. THERE MAY HAVE BEEN THAT ONE UNLUCK GIRL THAT MARRIED A GUY SHE THOUGHT MAY HAVE BEEN A NICE GUY AND HAD WHAT THEY THOUGHT WAS A BORING BF/HUSBAND. BUT NEVER MORE THAN MAYBE A HANDFULL OF THEM YET A WHOLE CASE IS BUILT UP ON A MINORITY .
    AS SAID WE ALL WANT THAT SOMEONE SPECIAL WHICH TREATS US LIKE TRASH AND OUR HEARTS ARE DOORMATS.THIS MAY BE TRUE UP TO A POINT. BUT WE FIND THAT THIS TYPE GIRL GETS ON A ROLL AND ALWAYS SEEMS TO WIND UP WITH THE JERKS AS WE CALL THEM.
    WORKING ON BF NUMBER 5 OR 6 WHICH HAS PROBABLY HAD SEX WITH HER ,EMOTIONAL ABUSED HER , CHEATED ON HER, AND THEN LEFT HER IN THE SIDE STREET SIDE TO SPEAK .
    NOW I’M NOT SAYING THERE WOULDN’T BE SOME THAT WOULD OVERLOOK THIS , BUT REALLY GUYS IS THIS WHAT YOUR REALLY LOOKING FOR.YES THEY MAY SAY WE’RE DOORMATS BUT HERE’S MY ANALOGY THE WERE THE JERKS (HOW MANY THERE WERE)LIVING ROOM CARPET. AND IF ANY DON’T UNDERSTAND THE ANALOGY LET ME KNOW AND I’LL TELL YOU. AH, SHUCKS LET ME TELL YOU NOW IT MAKES HER A SLUTTY WHORE. NOW IF THAT S WHAT YOU WANT GO FOR IT. BUT IS IT REALLY. LOOK YOU’LL SEE POST ON THESE BLOGS WERE GIRLS/WOMEN ARE CONSTANTLY SAYING THERE LOOKING FOR THAT NICE GUY.
    HEY WHAT MORE OF AN ENVITATION DO YOU NEED FOR THOSE OF YOU LOOKING. SEE IF THEY’RE LOCAL OR NOT. IF NOT WOULD ONE OR THE OTHER BE WILLING TO COMMUTE OR MOVE.
    OK, PEOPLE AM I MAKING ANY KIND OF SENSE HERE AT ALL TO YOU.

    OK, TO THE GIRLS THAT CALLS US GOOD FREINDSS/ OR LIKE BROTHERS KNOWING THAT WERE HURTING OR POSSIBY NEEDING HELP IN GETTING
    A GIRL FREIND HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDER SETTING HIM UP , OR IS HE TO GOOD OF A FREIND/BROTHER KIND TODO THAT FOR. ANY GUYS HER E WANT TO CHIME IN ON THIS ONE, AND IF HE’S SUCH A GOOD BUDDY FREIND WHY HAVEN’T YOU THOUGHT OF IT BEFORE?
    HERE’S MY POINT MY SISTER IS A YEAR YOUNGER THAN I WAS YET YOU KNOW HOW MANY GUYS ASK ME TO SET THEM UP WITH HER SHE WAS A 9 GUYS
    ON THAT SCALE I’VE BEEN USING.
    SO IF GUYS WOULD DO THAT FOR OTHER GUYS WHY NOT YOU GIRLS BE CONSIDERATE ENOUGH FOR THSE OF USE IN THAT FREIND ZONE . IS IT THAT YOU REALLY DON’T CARE , DON’T REALLY THINK OF IT, OR WANT TO KEEP US SIDE LINED JUST IN CASE YOU EVER DO DECIDE TO GIVE US A TUMBLE (WARNING HOWEVER DON’T WAIT TO LONG BECAUSE WE MAY COME UP MISSING IN ACTION BECAUSE SOME LUCKY GIRL THAT ACTUALLY WANTS US SNATCHES US UP BEFORE YOU DO.)
    I ALSO REALIZE THAT MY COMMENTS HERE WILL PROBABLY STIR UP A HUGE HUB BUB ON LISTS LIKE THIS WHICH
    ,I DON’T GIVE A FLIP. I KNOW WHAT THOSE THAT CONSIDER TO BE THE ALPHA TYPES (GUYS /GIRLS) ARE GOING TO BE THE FIRST MOST LIKLY TO TRY TO FLAME ME. BUT AS I SAID I GIVE OUT AS GOOD IF NOT BETTER THAN WHAT I RECEIVE SO UNLESS THATS WHAT YOU WANT. BECAUSE I BACK WHAT I SAY WITH FACTS AND BY WHAT OTHERS SAY IS PROVEN FACTS.

    OH YES , BY THE WAY SOME OF YOU THAT POST OR BELEIVE THAT OVER MILLION OF YEARS EVEOLUTION ABOUT THE ALPHA TYPES AND ALL THERE IS NO DOCUMENTED HISTORY THAT PROVES THAT THERORY. HOWEVER UP UNTIL THE LAST FEW HUNDRED YEARS OR SO 90% OF ALL MARRIAGES WERE PRE ARRANGED BY THE PARENTS BEFORE OR SHORTLY AFTER BIRTH OF CHILDREN
    AND IF BEFORE THAT TIME A CIVIZATION EXISTED THAT ALLOWED ITS WOMEN TO CHOSE THE MAN IT MAY BE ON ONLY ONE HAND AND NOT MANY FINGERS HELD UP AT THAT.
    BIBLICAL COUNTRIES ALL PRE ARRANGED THEIR CHILDRENS MARRAIGES, YEP CHINNESSS, JAPANESS, EVEN THE AMERICAN INDIANS TO SOME DEGREE. WOMEN HAVE NEVER ACTUALLY CHOSEN THE MAN THE MEN CHOSE THE WOMEN BE IT ALPHA OR OTHERWISE. SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT.

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