I think there are less than 2 readers at present who come and visit this ever dying website. And the hope taken even deeper plunge that after this post the number will reduce to 1.

So here is the run down of the events of last one month or so.

Let start from January End.

1. I started my night shift. Yes it was the last thing they could have done. I was asked to come to office at 12 and leave by 8 in the morning so none of my team mate could meet. In true worlds of my manager “Without you in the office the whole team’s productivity increase many fold. I never knew that just by reducing 8 men hours (that is mine) I could get extra productivity of 40 men hours.”

2. Around the same time XAT (XLRI Aptitude Test) score were declared. And your truly score a mere 97.06 Percentile in that. For those unknown XAT is entrance exam for the one some of the best B-Schools in India. Yes, I am planning to get a degree in Ymmm Bee Aye.

3. Left my last room which I shared with my class mates and shifted with a colleague. Reason of leaving None!!

Some time in Feb

1. Got a call for college interview from the best place in India, GOA (Institute of Management). Yeah. Party time!! I was so drunk that forgot the close the door of the house. The next morning I had lost 2 phones total worth 17,000 INR. Yeah GOA did it to me. Again. This was the 4^th and 5^th mobile and 4^th theft.

2. Started the regular office shift.

3. Went for the Interview for GIM. Screwed it up big time. Yeah. Again. Bloody Incompatibility.

4. My roomie was sent on exile to Nigeria. Why the heck he was so happy going to such a place. Green Paper still rocks.

5. Got another interview call form worst place to go, Chennai. Interview on 12th March. More updates soon.

6. Was down with cold and Fever so no Holi this year. And no booze too.

Now in March

1. One of my friend’s Friend called, “Hey Santosh me at Airport. I am off to Canada for 11 months. My company is sending me. See you after that.” Bloody Green Paper.

2. Got another Interview call from 2nd Place in India. Mumbai. (NMIMS, the best call). Will in Mumbai for the interview in the month end. IF you are in Mumbai than meet you there!!

• June 29, 2011 -- Ads By Google. (1)
• February 5, 2011 -- Another Year, Another B’Day and a Accident (3)
• October 29, 2010 -- Holiday Season (0)

but as i promised in my last post here comes the “HAPPY POST!!”

So why this topic. Simple to get your attention. I asked this question when i was on the verge of getting terminated (not life but job). But then came this new mail like a “knight in Armour coming for the rescue of damsel in distress.” The word etched in gold, written in the ancient language of HRism. If you don’t know the language than you are in either of the two category. You were never employed or You are a member of the secret society of HR. So the mail brought the news of a potential “Job Opportunity.” and it also said that if i am not interested than i should forward it to my friends.

Thus started the journey from being a prospect employee to a indispensable asset. An interview was “scheduled.” which brings me to a question which i always ask my self  “Interview is derived from Inter + View. INTER means between two or more people or things and VIEW means to see. Combined it  gives the Meaning as two or more people seeing each other. But when we go for an interview its just the other guy asking questions?” Some times this so called process is also called “Technical discussion.” Those who are good at this old and mystic language of HRism please do let me know the answer.

On the appointed day I was there in the office for technical interview and there comes a fat ugly looking  guy and says “Santosh? Come!” No introduction as who he is or what he does. Shoots some question and leaves.  Lets not blame this fellow.  He is programmed to work like a machine. Exactly 9 hours a day (8 hours work plus one hour of lunch). Never had a GF, Married to a women, Has a car but takes company cab, Smiles at his junior when he is about to screw them and seniors when he know he is screwed. And thinks that the Company HR is the most beautiful person the world. These type of species are called Manager. Refer my this post for more info on them.

Than comes guys who calls himself HR head. But i don’t believe him. Because HR is a secret society and the person standing in front of me is MALE. which cant be possible! but he said you are hired Welcome to <BEEP> <BEEP>. Yeah i am being secretive because there is another society called the-angry-and-screw-you-type-of-managers-and-Company-Representatives. Who don’t like the employees to write about company.

All in all i am Hired and working again. Those asking for  party can come down to Bangalore and we will go some place nice for a drink and than you can pay the bill and drop me home.

P.S.-> if you can’t understand the above post or some of the words than please contact someone who is employed or get hold of a HR (if you can find one do let me know)

• June 29, 2011 -- Ads By Google. (1)
• February 5, 2011 -- Another Year, Another B’Day and a Accident (3)
• October 29, 2010 -- Holiday Season (0)

I just had a thought am I the one who will actually come to know “How does it feel to be jobless at all the time of recession?” I lost my first job when recession was a newly-coined term for the Indians. The Indian share market were going strong, and rumors of US crisis were a thing we people used to joke about and Bang!! came the termination letter. When my friends and family asked what happened i told them i am the one of the first indian victim of recession.

It was luck that I landed up in my present company just days before of Great Market Crash of January 2008. Within a year the real recession kicked into effect and my company planned to send 10% of its work force of Forced Leave. It was my bad luck that i was one among those 10%.

Now i have got a real serious problem in front of me. Its not Money Money is a problem but not as serious as the one i am facing now. And that is . What will i say to people when they will ask me why i thrown?

• February 5, 2011 -- Another Year, Another B’Day and a Accident (3)
• April 14, 2010 -- Something Serious Called Life (0)
• January 1, 2010 -- Puzzle (1)

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? – No
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? – While watching Taare Zameen Par
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? – Yeah I do, Others don’t
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAL? – Mummy’s food

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? – I am ready to have them but no one gives me a chance

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? – May be
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Yup, I have to control that
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? – Yeah its troubling me while i smoke
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? – I would jump but not bungee.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? – What’s that. (I am yet to go dieting)

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? – Nah. I don’t wear them.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? – In mind – Yes. By body just large not strong 13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? – Presently butter scotch
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? – Eyes.
15. RED OR PINK? – Red with a dash of pink
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? – I cribb a lot
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? – Dad and sometime SANA
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? – yeah if they really wish
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? – Grey jeans. grey and pink sandal
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? – Sys Admin’s Head. He was here to install Linux .
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? – Nothing
22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? – Black and white
23. FAVORITE SMELLS? – Brut, Musk, nivia after shave, Freshly watered ground,
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? – The sys admin whose head i ate.

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? – Yet to meet the person. but i like his blogs
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? – Whats that?
27. HAIR COLOR? – None. wait till i get some hairs on my bald head.
28. EYE COLOR? – Brown
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? – I have contacts in my address book
30. FAVORITE FOOD? – Khana..
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? – Happy endings
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? – Can’t mention it. Ok here is a hint. It has 3 “x” and its not a Hollywood Movie.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? – Bright green
34. SUMMER OR WINTER? – Winters
35. HUGS OR KISSES? – Hugs but gals i can make an exception for you.
36. FAVORITE DESSERT? – Churma. (Mummy you make the best Churma)
37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? – Santosh, santa, Dost (Mostly by pawan and Richa)

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? – Boss, Yaar, and anything like that
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? – CDMA
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Yet to use a mouse pad
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? – Friends, India’s victory and News of the same
42. FAVORITE SOUND? – Hindi songs, mummy on phone,
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? None
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? – Chennai.
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? – Yes loads. meet me to know more
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? – On the Earth!
47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? – Whoever reads this

• October 8, 2011 -- Being Hypocrite (0)
• June 29, 2011 -- Ads By Google. (1)
• February 5, 2011 -- Another Year, Another B’Day and a Accident (3)

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night?
None I am having a bad throat ache due to tonsils.

2. What were you doing at 0800?
Watching some sad serial on TV

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Checking mails and blogs.

4. What happened to you in 2006?
I joined the company I left recently.

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
“Shit my throat hurts”

6. How many beverages did you have today?
Half a liter of milk.

7. What color is your hairbrush?
No hair, no hairbrush

8. What was the last thing you paid for?
Mobile Bill!!

9. Where were you last night?
In my room sleeping!

10. What color is your front door?
Dark brown

11. Where do you keep your change?
In my trouser pocket. If it gets full than shift to any box. And then the box transferred to my mom. When I go home!!

12. What’s the weather like today?
Good!!

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
Chocolate

14. What excites you?
Many things. Including some naughty things!

15. Do you want to cut your hair?
Not now. Had it a few days back!

16. Are you over the age of 25?
No

17. Do you talk a lot?
Please don’t ask me a question again, I won’t stop talking!!

18. Do you watch the O.C.?
What’s that?

19. Do you know anyone named Steven?
Nah

20. Do you make up your own words?
Ya while playing scrabble

21. Are you a jealous person?
Yep, sometimes

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’.
Anshu (My roomie during my college days)

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’.
Kanwar Singh

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?
From top Jiju and From Bottom Dad

25. What does the last text message you received say?
Payment made using card from ICICI bank

26. Do you chew on your straw?
I chew on anything if I get bored

27. Do you have curly hair?
No

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
Bangalore. (or the place from where ever I get job call)

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
Ahh!! Many but they are for that particular time.

30. What was the last thing you ate?
Bread with Milk.

31. Will you get married in the future?
Surely in future. But don’t know when it will happen

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
I saw saawariya and I liked it

33. Is there anyone you like right now?
Ya! My mom dad (they never said a single thing even when I lost my job.)

34. When was the last time you did the dishes?
Today afternoon

35. Are you currently depressed?
Nah. Yah a bit thoughtful though

36. Did you cry today?
Nah. And what for?

37. Why did you answer and post this?
I was getting bored so came down and finished this post

38. Tag few people who would do this survey.
Bee Honey Bee, Chriz, PurpleHeart, Vignesh,  Happy Kitten,

• October 8, 2011 -- Being Hypocrite (0)
• June 29, 2011 -- Ads By Google. (1)
• February 5, 2011 -- Another Year, Another B’Day and a Accident (3)

Unable to make head or tail of the above line? Read the previous post here..

Mr. BKP thought this couldn’t be a gal. If the other person had been a gal she wouldn’t have told me her name so easily. So he shot another message.

BKP – I don’t think you are a gal. Please tell me who is this.
Ank – (Furiously). Hey mister who ever are you. Mind your tongue. If you cant respect a girl than don’t talk.

Mr. BKP thought wow; it’s my lucky day, a new week and new gal in tow. Lets try to impress her.

BKP – Hello, I am BKP. I am sorry. I thought its one of my friends playing prank. How you got my number?
Ank. – Hello BKP. I sent that message by mistake to you. It was for my friend.
BKP – Oh. That’s ok. Tell me what do you do?
Ank – I am doing my final year BDS from CODS (College of Dental Science), manipal. I am basically from kolar.
BKP – you are from manipal? I am also at manipal. I am from Bangalore but I am presently working here.
Ank – Don’t lie a guy from Bangalore will come down to work in such a small place no way.

(She also shot a few lines of kannada to test if he actually from Bangalore)

BKP – Hey it doesn’t mean I am from Bangalore than I will know Kannada.
Ank – Don’t lie any respectful kannadigga will know Kannada. Tell me the truth.
BKP – I am from . I have done my engineering from Bangalore.
Ank – Ok. So you are an engineer? That’s good. Are there any engineering companies around this place?
BKP – yes. There is a software company called (Sorry. Company policies can’t name my company). It’s in Udupi. I work there.
Ank – so you are a software engineer. That’s good. My brother is in Intel, Bangalore.
BKP – No I am not a software engineer. I am a Quality Control Engineer. Actually, my brother is a PL in Honeywell, Bangalore (Another of his brother has come up) but I got placed through campus so had to come here.
Ank – Than jump to your bro’s company now.
BKP – I can’t cos I am a fresher. I joined this July only.
Ank – Ok. Bye. Class time.

The same day afternoon.

BKP – Good afternoon, Madam. Had your lunch?
Ank – No I will go now. Hey you just a testing engineer. I just talked to my brother and he told me quality control is nothing. And most of companies take freshers as trainee. How come you are promoted so fast?
BKP – It must be my capability that I have promoted.
Ank – I am impressed.
BKP – can you have lunch with me?
Ank – but you are in the company and manipal too far away from there.
BKP – No. I am at home. Today I have taken sick leave.
Ank – Why what happened?
BKP – Fever.
Ank – Than why don’t you take rest. We will have lunch some other day. Bye!!

The next day evening.

BKP – Hello. How are you?
Ank – I am fine. I should ask you this, How are you? Have you met any doctor?
BKP – I am down with viral fever.
Ank – than take rest and don’t forget to take medicine.
BKP – Thanks for being my friend, my only friend.
Ank – only friend? You don’t have friends? I mean People in the company.
BKP – they are there. But we just work in the company. There is no fun part involved.
Ank – what about your roommates?
BKP – They are my seniors. They treat me like a kid.

For most of you guys info. Mr. BKP is no kid and is never treated like kid.

Ank – oh that’s good. You have some one to look after you.
BKP – ya that’s there but than there is no friend na.
Ank – hey mummy came talk to you later.

The same night. After having a heavy dinner of 10 parota and half plate rice Mr. BKP messages.

BKP – hello. Had your dinner?
Ans – No. Mummy is preparing. I will have after that. What about you?
BKP – I told you na. My seniors treat me like a kid. They have brought me Milk and bread to have for dinner.
Ans – Oh that’s good. They are taking care of you.

On Friday anikta tells BKP that her mummy going back to native because her father is not keeping well.

What happened next read in next episode.

• June 29, 2011 -- Ads By Google. (1)
• February 5, 2011 -- Another Year, Another B’Day and a Accident (3)
• October 29, 2010 -- Holiday Season (0)

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it.
A greater than sign on between my eyes. Supposedly given by brother when he hit me with a spoon.

2.What does your phone look like?

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom??Nothing!! Except the water marks which seeps in during rains

4. What is your current desktop picture??A dark black screen.

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?
Yes I do. Marriages are fun and cheerfulness (Another meaning of gay)

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
Project. I don’t have any!

7 . What time were you born?
Evening @ 4.11

8. Are your parents still together?
Yes. Thank god.

9. Last person who made you cry?
The freaking movie star while watching the movie

10. What is your favorite perfume / cologne?
Brut.

11. What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex?
Anything color will do till they are there. Cos I don’t have any. (Weak eyes and balding head)

12. What are you listening to??Ranting of the PL in the next cubicle

13. Do you get scared of the dark??If the person with me in the room is a scary.

14. Do you like pain killers??Yes if they are available at the right time for the right pain (Including heart break).

15. Are you too shy to ask someone out??Online I have asked so many gals to come out and meet me and all of them have refused?

16. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?.
Food

17. Who was the last person you made you mad?
No one. I make people mad

18. Who was the last person who made you smile?
A mad person always smiles. Even my photos smile!!

• June 29, 2011 -- Ads By Google. (1)
• February 5, 2011 -- Another Year, Another B’Day and a Accident (3)
• October 29, 2010 -- Holiday Season (0)

This one is also a forward!!

After having failed his exam in “Logistics and Organization”, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: “Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”

Professor: “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”

Student: “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an “A” for the exam. “

Professor: “Okay, it’s a deal. So what is the question?”

Student: “What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?”

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an “A”, as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: “Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife’s lover an “A”, although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical.”

• June 29, 2011 -- Ads By Google. (1)
• February 5, 2011 -- Another Year, Another B’Day and a Accident (3)
• October 29, 2010 -- Holiday Season (0)

I: Madam what does my house motto means?
Madam: Stupid you don’t know that!!
I: no ma’am.
Madam: it means “one must stay modest even when one wins.”
I: Thank you ma’am

I remained in MODEst in all my victories. Whenever I won something I changed my mode from sad to happy but when it comes to treat it changes from happy to angry so that no one asks me for a treat. Last time I became modest was when I my project guide had a meeting with me.

Guide: we have called this meating to notify you that the product you are working on is to be finished before time.
Me: how much before?
Guide: say 5 days from now
Me: WTF! It’s till one month before deadline
Guide: That’s why I have called this meating . No go and start slogging the meat of the ass.

After that I got the meaning of meatings. It’s called to tell an individual how he/ she will be meated (butchered). I was working in this company to save myself from getting skinned. So I shot a mail to my supervisor

After today’s meeting I am ready to
work and give my best and not
resign soon. I will be working
18 – 20 hours per day not just
8 hours as was told, when I joined.
I wouldn’t be asking for any
Salary hikes till it’s given, I wouldn’t
ask for any change of designation and
be working for company’s good future.
It’s foolish of people who say
it’s impossible to finish on time. I
think the job is really small and I don’t
need of lots of resources to finish the job

Please read the above letter again but just the odd line starting from after today’s…

• June 29, 2011 -- Ads By Google. (1)
• February 5, 2011 -- Another Year, Another B’Day and a Accident (3)
• October 29, 2010 -- Holiday Season (0)

Q1. Sir it is all over the net that you have been awarded ‘VOTM’ title by U2B.in… your reaction?
Well i am really happy to know that I have been chosen for this pretigious award. I had this feeling some where that I am the only one in the race. I would like to thank my dear collegue/ Maid and security guard to give a supporting hand (and leg) while i used to read http://www.u2b.in. Also, I would like to thank my Mom and Dad for wasting their money and time to educate me so that I can visit U2B.in everyday and comprehend the so called content that is posted there.

Q2. VOTM is a very prestigious title…How did your family react when they got this news.?
My father went into coma for the 1st 17 minutes(his doctors have instructed me never-ever I should mention anything about U2B.in to him).

My mom was at the beauty parlour when she got the news… I was told that somehow she started behaving like Nana Patekar… she slapped her self a few times.. banged her head against the wall( banged the beauticians head agaisnt the mirror)…kicked the beautician a few times (For not able to make my mom look like aishwarya).

My dog has already bitten 27people. It seems he wanted to win the race for number of hits. Mine being 27 to u2b.in.
My cook has stopped cooking and has taken a resolution That till he dosent make Bheja Fry ( “without bheja” fry of the chairman, as he is yet to have some brains) of the Chairman of U2b.in he wont cook.

Q3. U2B.in has spent some huge resources to publicize this VOTM event… your comments?
Stop publicizing.( Keep it up) It is a serious waste (proper use) of resource. I have got a better option for you. Give me the award every month.( and keep publicizing my victory) I have no qualm of receiving the award. However, it will be U2B.in’s responsibility to communicate this news to my parents (dog, maid and cook) everytime I get the award.

Q4. What would be your advice to the Chairman of U2B.in ?
Keep up the great work. I love the site so much that I have planned to launch a service called Crapd.in (make sure you shut down the site before my site comes up)

Q5. The official photographers of U2B.in were brutally kicked in the stomach by your maid and securtity men… Why did they behave so violently ? How did you control the situation ?
It seems that you have not read todays news paper. I have already asked for an apology and have issued a statement saying I was not aware of this situation.

It seems that my maid and security guard were busy watching abhi ash marriage footage and were really worked after seeing Amar Singhji running after Jaya Aunty.

I am exteremly sorry for my maid, cook and securities activities…to make good, I would like to give the exclusive online rights to host the wedding site of my dear and near “Komalangini sukumari sakhhu BAI Gayekwad” and “Bir
Suraj Samsher Jung BAHADUR Thapa” ( There pet/ Household names has been put in caps). Infact I want the chairman to perform the Kanyadaan for the bride.

Q6. The buzz is in the air that, the VOTM for the next quarter is already decided and again it is YOU… Are you overjoyed ?
Well I dont want to show off and tell the world what a great personality I am. I am very happy with what I have…though I have already won thhis prestigious title and it was a really tough competition. ( BTW, I
was told that I was the only participant). I think only time will tell who is the winner for the next quater. Let us wait and watch…I will surely love to win this title…(You think I am a f*&#% moron to visit this F&^@$% site everyday and not win?)

Q7. What do you have to tell the netizens..?
Its a very good question. Ahem… Hmm.. welll.. arrrr…. I would say …… hmmmm.. welllll….. (after some head tapping and foot banging) WTF do you mean by Netizen? Who is that ??

• June 29, 2011 -- Ads By Google. (1)
• February 5, 2011 -- Another Year, Another B’Day and a Accident (3)
• October 29, 2010 -- Holiday Season (0)