Those who know me, “in person”, will always say, “Santosh is a person with whom acquaintance is more than enough.” Some think, I don’t know what does it mean by relationship. The only relation I know of is I, me and myself.
The last time I cried, in front of many people, was when my sister was married. After that no one has seen me crying. Now I am a grown up man and grown-ups don’t cry.
Here is the story of my loneliness.
One day I told my partner, Darling I want something of our own. My partner said with a grin “I was thinking of the same”. From that moment we started. We used to stay awake at night working towards our goals. And after long nights of awakening and sweating, There she was in front of us. The cutest thing we have ever seen. I called her Happiness (Khusi) and my partner called her time pass. She was the cutest thing I have ever seen. I used to play with her. She was my love. I knew her much better than any one else.
Wait a sec!!! Why am I calling using “Was” every time. It’s because she is more. She is dead. It was my mistake. One night I forgot to close the window of her room. It rained heavily that night and by morning she was counting her last breath. I called the doctor he also tried no avail. She was gone forever. My partner was shouting at me and I was just listing. It was loss so many thing. Than my partner came and said “I told you to make a back up of your hard disk. But why would do it. Now go to hell. I can’t make another game.”
P.S.-> I wanted to write a really serious post (as I was feeling really low) but after the first two para my mood got the better of me and I made up a story to match up with my mood.
Before the post let me make this clear that i am not in any way responsible for what ever happened.
The other day me and one of my frens (who by chance is a girl) were having a fight on my bad habit. By bad habit i mean she was angry on my smoking too much. Her argument was that cigarette kiils a person and stuff. After a long fight she said “Do you what is the defination of Cigarette?”
I said “no!”
She told the defination of cigarette is “One pinch of tobacco rolled in a paper, With fire at one end and Fool at another!” My reply to herr was “à¤¸à¤¿à¤—à¤°à¥‡à¤Ÿ à¤¦à¤¿à¤² à¤•à¥‹ à¤¤à¥‹ à¤œà¤²à¤¾à¤¤à¥€ à¤¹à¥ˆ, à¤®à¤—à¤° à¤¹à¥‹à¤Ÿà¥‹à¥‘ à¤•à¥‡ à¤ªà¤¾à¤¸ à¤¤à¥‹ à¤†à¤¤à¥€ à¤¹à¥ˆà¥¤”( in english “Cigarette, it burns the heart But it does it but Kissing the lips”). She got really furious to me and said you wont be married to any girl if you think about kissing (and marry making) with every one you see.
suddenly it came back to me when i propsed a girl. I was lying next to her. she was the most nearest thing. and i really loved the way she was looking at me with those small beautiful eyes. Her smile was the best i could remember. we were both of the same ages. we knew each other, we spoke each others language, we had a bonding like no ne else had. We stayed together for more than 12 hours a day. we even slept together. But deep iside i knew she will be leaving me soon. we will be going our seprate way. so i poped her the question “Will you marry me” and that was it. she wailed like i have never heard before. she was crying like a baby. i also cried with her. The moment meant to cry. all of sudden all the kid in the pre nersery started crying. I knew that she wont be there with me for life and all these kids were giving me sympathy by crying wit me.
I have seen all the three in my small life of 24 years, Collectively and individually. Except those which i have striked out. Let me walk you guys through them some of the situation when i have seen them.
<!--adsense#1-->Love: I love my Dad for being there as a bank and never asked to return his money(as most the banks do)
Labour: It was the most choking moment for me and i was not able to speak few years. Than i grew up learnt to speak
Lost: When my GF asking me have you lost anything and i said “My Mind”
Love and Labour: when My father with lots of love made me wash his Car
Love and Lost: When the bitch i wanted to Make Love with went missing
Labour Lost: The 25paise coin i took out from gutter was taken by the road side bully.
Love Labout Lost: when i forgot the login password to my wordpress account.
It was the most scary moment for me when when i forgot my wordpress login password. 4 hours and no answer. I must be crazy when i was trying for the password. i do remember my password has 6 char. i tried everything but no vain it was the same thing. but suddenly i saw the inevitable. The Caps Lock was on. and voila the mistake is found out and i am back. so the moral of the story keep your password in all CAPS so that no tension of turning off the caps lock.
Note: If you are looking for some humor or mushy post than please look at other posts. This is strictly a senti+mental entry. Read at your risk. I don’t take any responsibility of any type Mental, Physical or Monetary damage. (including all types not mentioned)
All this started when I was a bachelor (which I still am). I had all the freedom of the world. I used to laugh at my own will smile at my own. (Which i am able to do now, again). then there came a time when I was deprived from all of these fun. I never got to sleep at night( i used to sleep during day) , I stopped going to college (except when it was really needed), used to sing songs whole night(mostly old love songs), I started talking to strangers, my friends were people whom none of my college friend had seen (even i got to see only few faces.) Rest were just voices. my life was becoming more psychopathic. People told me i was in love. It was like sweet love poison. i was dying a slow death.
My life became more colourful. I had loads of frens. i was in love. and love had such a great feeling i never knew. I forgot to eat, sleep, study, even stopped calling parents. Reason all my money was spent(because i was in love)
but it all ended when my final year exams started. i talked less, went to college (to give exam), stopped singing love songs (instead started humming notes), slept a little at night( rest of the studying). no more love in the air feeling, no more sweet death.
I thought let this exam finish i will be back at my track but as the saying goes Man proposes, God disposes. My net connection was taken away and i was left alone. My only source of meeting was taken away. I cant chat with my other frens on yahoo chat. I hate this cruel world. My only love (chatting) was taken away from me. Lets hope that i find some other place which allowed me to chat.