The Three Engineers!!

Once upon a time two Project managers and one engineer met in the rest room of a big hotel.

The first PM goes and washes his hands, dries his hand and than takes out tissue to remove what ever is left. He says I am working with (Insert the company you hate the most) and we are taught to use all the resources evenly.

The second PM who was from (Insert the company you hate) and he washes his hand takes the tissue and dries his hand till there was not a single dry corner left. He says I am taught to use the resources to the max.

The engineer zips his pant and walks out. Than the other two guys say it seems you are not taught anything in your company. The engineer said I am taught not to PEE on my own hand!

The Week of forwards!!

I thought its better to write a post than to tell people of my old silly soul which was tortured to life and the reason for so many forwards as a post instead of original post.

I was planning to write the whole thing in chronological order but it better if I narrate the story.

The day was the same as usual and the night was not. I was sitting in cubicle listening to don’t remember who it was (does it matter). Suddenly the call came on my intercom. A girl’s voice on the other hand speaks…

Voice – Santosh?
Me – Yes?
Voice – Hi!
Me – Hi!
Voice – We are waiting for you.
Me – Waiting?
Voice – Yes. You forgot?
Me – (Confused) I think so.
Voice – Come on you cant delay us anymore. It’s really important.
Me – than who is stopping you.
Voice – You!
Me – (Still confused) Me? How?
Voice –By not coming??
Me – (Am I so important in this company?) For what?
Voice – This is your HR and we are waiting for your appraisal meeting.

This conversation happened some 4 months back. And from that day till today I am yet to find out the true meaning of a meeting.

For the Higher Management – I am getting bored lets call a meeting and talk to some people. (Here they talk and rest listen)

For HR – We need to terminate this guy so call a meeting and let him know in a dramatic situation

For PM/PL – Hmm This guy is not working call a meeting and assign him so much job so that he will have to work 18 hours a day and 7 days a week!

All of them together – A time pass meeting to discus some silly issue.

A committee meeting – No work just talk.

For an employee like me – Buddy you are screwed!

The same thing happened to me a few weeks back. I was called for a meeting and told to work more and browse the net less. In past I used to work for a horrifying 8-10, nah not hours, Minutes each day. But now I am working bit more. The amount of work involves 4 hours of meeting, 3 hours of discussion, 1 hour of tea break, 30 minutes of lunch and mind boggling 30 minutes of works. I am presently busy in most of these meeting! So guys you may be seeing a lots of forwards than actual blog entries.

Worried Boss

Another Forward!! I loved the ending. much like the jeff archers endings!!

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employers home phone number and was greeted with a Child’s’ whisper.

“Hello”

“Is your daddy home?” he asked

“Yes” whispered the small voice

“May I talk with him?”

“No”

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mummy there?”

“Yes”

“May I talk with her?”

Again the small voice whispered, “No”

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss
Asked, “Is anybody else there?”

“Yes, whispered the boy, “a policeman”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked,
“May I speak with the policeman?”

“No, he’s busy”, whispered the child

“Busy doing what?”

Talking to daddy and mommy and the fireman”, came the answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter, through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What’s that noise?”

“A helicopter” answered the whispering voice.

“What is going on there?!”, demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed the helicopter.”

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?!!.”

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle…

“ME”

Logical and Legal

Loved the guts of this kid!!

This one is also a forward!!

After having failed his exam in “Logistics and Organization”, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: “Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”

Professor: “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”

Student: “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an “A” for the exam. “

Professor: “Okay, it’s a deal. So what is the question?”

Student: “What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?”

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an “A”, as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: “Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife’s lover an “A”, although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical.”

With Loads of Kisses.

When work kills the only way to survive is to work. here is a mail forward i got today loved the angle so posting it!!

A letter has been sent from a husband:

Dear Sweetheart:

I can’t send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart, your husband.

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart, Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month’s milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items.
5. Other expenses 40 kisses

Please don’t worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope that I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, please advise.

Your Sweet Heart.