The Change!!

Nothing endures but change.
-Heraclitu

I am a firm believer of the above said quotation. Following which I tried to walk (or is it run) on the following quote. “Start everyday as a new self!” I never knew I would be in so much trouble because of my new self. Want to know how?

On Monday I was a new self to the office so was on Tuesday and so on. This led to a new problem in my office about who is the true me. As there was 1 different me for each day of the week. My PM (Project manager for non technical people) sent a mail to all 5 of us for just coming one day to office in a week. The reply we all sent was.

————
Dear Sir,

This is to notify you that I become a new self every day. It was done for the good of the company as you can hire one person who comes as 5 different people and take the salary of just one person.

It is good for me too. I can ask one of the other my colleague to lend me some money and by changing myself the next day I can keep the money with myself.

It would be a good opportunity for you to know a better (or worst) me as I come to office by changing to myself.

Thanking you,
Yours,

Many new self of Me.
————-

The problem could have stopped here but I found myself on the road as the company wanted a permanent employee who did the same work every day than a guy who cant be relied to be the same the very next day?

Human Animal Behavior

Note: This is a true conversation, which took place behind the back of lots of people.

Today I was in company cab coming down to office when it started to rain. I asked one of my colleague,

Me: What does it mean when it rains and sun is also out?
He: I don’t know!
Me: it means that somewhere a hyena is getting married!
He: do animals get married?
Me: ok tell me, are human being animal?
He: yes.
Me: do humans marry?
He: (he a bit skeptical) but humans are better than animals.
Me: Yes or no?
He: yes.
Me: you know humans are the only animals, which are compared with different animals
He: prove it?
Me: when one drinks too much people call him/ her dog!
He: what’s wrong with it?
Me: have u heard any dog called as human?
He: (silent)
Me: when a human is drink a lot and falls in a gutter people call him Pig!
Me: when one is really silent and saintly people call him/her a cow
Me: do you know what do people call a person like you who has got fat all over (including brain)
He: no
Me: donkey.
He: do you what do people call when some one acts like a monkey?
Me: No
He: you.

End of conversation

Modesty In victory!

If you are an English professor please let me know the meaning of the title. All I know that this was my house motto. Not of the house I live in but the houses at school in which they divide the students into. You belong to blue house or yellow house. The system has changed now I asked a kid which house he is in blue or red (or some other color) and he said, “ No I am not in any of those houses. I am ivory House and my best friend is in mint house. And my house motto is ‘Break away’. And my best friend house motto is ‘ever fresh’” It reminded me of my house motto and when I learnt the meaning of that.

I: Madam what does my house motto means?
Madam: Stupid you don’t know that!!
I: no ma’am.
Madam: it means “one must stay modest even when one wins.”
I: Thank you ma’am

I remained in MODEst in all my victories. Whenever I won something I changed my mode from sad to happy but when it comes to treat it changes from happy to angry so that no one asks me for a treat. Last time I became modest was when I my project guide had a meeting with me.

Guide: we have called this meating to notify you that the product you are working on is to be finished before time.
Me: how much before?
Guide: say 5 days from now
Me: WTF! It’s till one month before deadline
Guide: That’s why I have called this meating . No go and start slogging the meat of the ass.

After that I got the meaning of meatings. It’s called to tell an individual how he/ she will be meated (butchered). I was working in this company to save myself from getting skinned. So I shot a mail to my supervisor

After today’s meeting I am ready to
work and give my best and not
resign soon. I will be working
18 – 20 hours per day not just
8 hours as was told, when I joined.
I wouldn’t be asking for any
Salary hikes till it’s given, I wouldn’t
ask for any change of designation and
be working for company’s good future.
It’s foolish of people who say
it’s impossible to finish on time. I
think the job is really small and I don’t
need of lots of resources to finish the job

Please read the above letter again but just the odd line starting from after today’s…

Better late than never

“I’ve been on a calendar but I have never been on time”
Marilyn Monroe

I used to be a writer for a small newspaper/ magazine group in India. They used to publish Bi-weekly (does it mean once in 2 week or twice a week) magazine. For which I was a permanent writer. Writers for the mag had to submit their “Creations” (the final draft) on or before first and third Wednesday of every month. When I was new the article were sent faster than the speed of their printing machines. My ed asked me to slow down and I got the speed of dot matrix printer. The editor was already tearing off his hair when I slowed down a little more and the last article I sent it was typed on a typewriter with one finger.

I being me never ever let my performance get hampered even after editors death threats

Excerpts of the meeting with the editor

Me- hello ed.
Ed- Huh! Who you?
Me- I am me.
Ed- who you?
Me- I came here to talk about my bi-weekly article.
Ed- who article?
Me- the magazine article

Now he is back in his sense

Ed- get out of my office this minute and don’t come back till you have the article ready.
Me- but this is just second Tuesday of the month.
Ed- I want the article that was supposed to be on my desk by first Wednesday
Me- ahh. That article. I will send it tomorrow
Ed- If I don’t get that article tomorrow SOMEONE WILL BE DEAD!
Me- who ed?
Ed- me!
Me- ok ed bye.
Ed- who you?

The editor was lost again.

I shot a mail to the editor telling him bout the delay. Here is the mail.

Hey its Hump day. Cheer up buddy. Its great that you have about to pass the weeks hump. The peak is passed. Now its all downhill so I am not planning to give you any more problems. As far as my article is considered, you can send the mag for a proof check I will send back my article directly on day of printing.

Enjoy the day!!
Hump Day

An Atheist

“I’m an atheist and I thank God for it.”
–George Bernard Shaw

I have always been an Atheist. Some examples to prove that I am a non-believer!
I did my schooling from Dehradun, a total of 7 years at the place. It’s a small town in the backdrops of Himalaya. For those who are yet to know why I mentioned doon (Dehradun) is because it was just 2 hours drive from this place to reach Haridwar. (Better read about it at the link than for me to type it out). Those 7 years of Doon took me to loads of place other than the famous Haridwar and Har ki paudi. It was not because I never got a chance to go but I never wanted to go!

Some people who know me call me an atheist by action and not by heart. May be because some times I do go to temple. When I am happy I say a silent prayer to thank the all mighty. When I am sad I pray for the betterment of my life. When I start a journey I pray for a safe journey! When a coin drops from my hand I pick it up and put it on my head. I some times recite those slakes which my mom and teacher made me remember when I was a kid. Or because I carry a copy of hanuman chalisha in wallet.

The sole reason, which makes me an atheist (By heart) is, the violence in the name of religion. The riots because of caste difference.
When I talk about this I am not talking about just India or any other country in particular. It’s the same in whole of the world. For e.g. the whole of Muslim community is divided between shiya and Sunnis. Saddam Hessian wasn’t known as the cruelest dictator of his time if he loved Sunnis. Hindus are broken into so many forms that it is really hard to distinguish who is who in Hindu community. The Christianity itself is broken into Catholics and Protestants.

Ahh such a long lecture. Here is Dirty adult joke for this entire lecture,

My neighbor uncle, who is 48, fell into a mud pond!!