The Egoistic Clash

The clash was not the thing I wanted to happen to me. The last thing I wanted to happen to me was a fight. The exchange of words took place at the most common place of the house. If you are thinking about bedroom, drawing room or dining room than you are absolutely wrong. It was the kitchen of the apartment I share with one of my colleague. The time was the black hour of the night when the sun has gone down and the moon has just started to climb. I had finished my dinner and was at the sink cleaning up the dirty utensils. For those who don’t know, I have to clean up all the dirty utensils of the house including the one in which the food was prepared. Cleaning being my daily routine so I used to do the cleaning with closed eyes. But on this day I had to open my eyes when my hand found something I was not accustomed of cleaning.

It was a coffee mug, which belonged to me but was being used by my roomy (My roomy had to clean his own utensils). He used to die (or is it dye) his hairs. The cup was dirty. Which made my blood boil and I thundered into his room and bellowed. Why the F#&K is this dirty cup with my utensils. He must have thought about the reply. He gave a flat and dry reply ” I had washed it I don’t know how come its dirty!!” this made me really angry and I said stop using my cup. He being another egoistic said, “I won’t be using anything than belongs to you” Hmmmmmmmm and the very next day he was off to buy himself the utensils for himself.

Now the question is who is wrong. Was it me or the moment when I asked him!!!

VOTM @ U2B.in Interview!!

Few days after winning the award of the VOTM @ u2b.in i got a call from chief editor for an interview. I said i will see as i am busy. But while putting down the phone i said ( habitually) “See ya later” and he landed up in at my place the same evening. All was done he took an interview but again he made the mistake of Hear Amritsar, Go Bihar. (misinterpreting me and than writing up thing that was not meant)

the part written wrong is in italics and the correction is in the( brackets following it )

Q1. Sir it is all over the net that you have been awarded ‘VOTM’ title by U2B.in… your reaction?
Well i am really happy to know that I have been chosen for this pretigious award. I had this feeling some where that I am the only one in the race. I would like to thank my dear collegue/ Maid and security guard to give a supporting hand (and leg) while i used to read http://www.u2b.in. Also, I would like to thank my Mom and Dad for wasting their money and time to educate me so that I can visit U2B.in everyday and comprehend the so called content that is posted there.

Q2. VOTM is a very prestigious title…How did your family react when they got this news.?
My father went into coma for the 1st 17 minutes(his doctors have instructed me never-ever I should mention anything about U2B.in to him).

My mom was at the beauty parlour when she got the news… I was told that somehow she started behaving like Nana Patekar… she slapped her self a few times.. banged her head against the wall( banged the beauticians head agaisnt the mirror)…kicked the beautician a few times (For not able to make my mom look like aishwarya).

My dog has already bitten 27people. It seems he wanted to win the race for number of hits. Mine being 27 to u2b.in.
My cook has stopped cooking and has taken a resolution That till he dosent make Bheja Fry ( “without bheja” fry of the chairman, as he is yet to have some brains) of the Chairman of U2b.in he wont cook.

Q3. U2B.in has spent some huge resources to publicize this VOTM event… your comments?
Stop publicizing.( Keep it up) It is a serious waste (proper use) of resource. I have got a better option for you. Give me the award every month.( and keep publicizing my victory) I have no qualm of receiving the award. However, it will be U2B.in’s responsibility to communicate this news to my parents (dog, maid and cook) everytime I get the award.

Q4. What would be your advice to the Chairman of U2B.in ?
Keep up the great work. I love the site so much that I have planned to launch a service called Crapd.in (make sure you shut down the site before my site comes up)

Q5. The official photographers of U2B.in were brutally kicked in the stomach by your maid and securtity men… Why did they behave so violently ? How did you control the situation ?
It seems that you have not read todays news paper. I have already asked for an apology and have issued a statement saying I was not aware of this situation.

It seems that my maid and security guard were busy watching abhi ash marriage footage and were really worked after seeing Amar Singhji running after Jaya Aunty.

I am exteremly sorry for my maid, cook and securities activities…to make good, I would like to give the exclusive online rights to host the wedding site of my dear and near “Komalangini sukumari sakhhu BAI Gayekwad” and “Bir
Suraj Samsher Jung BAHADUR Thapa” ( There pet/ Household names has been put in caps). Infact I want the chairman to perform the Kanyadaan for the bride.

Q6. The buzz is in the air that, the VOTM for the next quarter is already decided and again it is YOU… Are you overjoyed ?
Well I dont want to show off and tell the world what a great personality I am. I am very happy with what I have…though I have already won thhis prestigious title and it was a really tough competition. ( BTW, I
was told that I was the only participant). I think only time will tell who is the winner for the next quater. Let us wait and watch…I will surely love to win this title…(You think I am a f*&#% moron to visit this F&^@$% site everyday and not win?)

Q7. What do you have to tell the netizens..?
Its a very good question. Ahem… Hmm.. welll.. arrrr…. I would say …… hmmmm.. welllll….. (after some head tapping and foot banging) WTF do you mean by Netizen? Who is that ??

The marriage that never happened.

Before the post let me make this clear that i am not in any way responsible for what ever happened.

The other day me and one of my frens (who by chance is a girl) were having a fight on my bad habit. By bad habit i mean she was angry on my smoking too much. Her argument was that cigarette kiils a person and stuff. After a long fight she said “Do you what is the defination of Cigarette?”

I said “no!”

She told the defination of cigarette is “One pinch of tobacco rolled in a paper, With fire at one end and Fool at another!” My reply to herr was “सिगरेट दिल को तो जलाती है, मगर होटो॑ के पास तो आती है।”( in english “Cigarette, it burns the heart But it does it but Kissing the lips”). She got really furious to me and said you wont be married to any girl if you think about kissing (and marry making) with every one you see.

suddenly it came back to me when i propsed a girl. I was lying next to her. she was the most nearest thing. and i really loved the way she was looking at me with those small beautiful eyes. Her smile was the best i could remember. we were both of the same ages. we knew each other, we spoke each others language, we had a bonding like no ne else had. We stayed together for more than 12 hours a day. we even slept together. But deep iside i knew she will be leaving me soon. we will be going our seprate way. so i poped her the question “Will you marry me” and that was it. she wailed like i have never heard before. she was crying like a baby. i also cried with her. The moment meant to cry. all of sudden all the kid in the pre nersery started crying. I knew that she wont be there with me for life and all these kids were giving me sympathy by crying wit me.

Purani jeans

This post is all bout the days we loved the most. Our college days. Today i just stumbled upon this video @ youtube which depicts our true feeling for the good ol’ college days.

How To become a WoP!!

One day a Novice came to the Master.
“Master,” he said, “How is it that I may become a Writer of Programs?”
the Master looked solemly at the Novice.
“Have you in your possession a Compiler of Source Code?” the Master asked.
“No,” replied the Novice.
the Master sent the Novice on a quest to the Store of Software.

Many hours later the Novice returned.
“Master,” he said, “How is it that I may become a Writer of Programs?”
the Master looked solemly at the Novice.
“Have you in your possession a Compiler of Source Code?” the Master asked.
“Yes,” replied the Novice.
the Master frowned at the Novice.
“You have a Compiler of Source. What now can prevent you from becoming
a Writer of Programs?”
the Novice fidgeted nervously and presented his Compiler of Source to
the Master.
“How is this used?” asked the Novice.
“Have you in your possession a Manual of Operation?” the Master asked.
“No,” replied the Novice.
the Master instructed the Novice as to where he could find the
Manual of Operation.

Many days later the Novice returned.
“Master,” he said, “How is it that I may become a Writer of Programs?”
the Master looked solemly at the Novice.
“Have you in your possession a Compiler of Source Code?” the Master asked.
“Yes,” replied the Novice.
“Have you in your possession a Manual of Operation?” the Master asked.
“Yes,” replied the Novice.
the Master frowned at the Novice.
“You have a Compiler of Source, and a Manual of Operation. What now can
prevent you from becomming a Writer of Programs?”

At this the Novice fidgeted nervously and presented his Manual of Operations to
the Master.
“How is this used?” asked the Novice.
the Master closed his eyes, and heaved a great sigh.
the Master sent the Novice on a quest to the School of Elementary.

Many years later the Novice returned.
“Master,” he said, “How is it that I may become a Writer of Programs?”
the Master looked solemly at the Novice.
“Have you in your possession a Compiler of Source Code, a Manual of Operation
and an Education of Elementary?” the Master asked.
“Yes,” replied the Novice.
the Master frowned at the Novice.
“What then can prevent you from becomming a Writer of Programs?”

the Novice fidgeted nervously. He looked around but could find nothing to
present to the Master. the Master smiled at the Novice.
“I see what problem plagues you.” said the Master.
“Oh great master, please tell me.” asked the Novice.

the Master turned the Novice toward the door, and with a supportive hand on his
shoulder said, “Go young Novice, and Read The Fucking Manual.”

And so the Novice became enlightened.