Signs You’re No Longer in College…

Got it from the internet. 

— You no longer know what time fast food drive-thru windows close.

— Your potted plants stay alive.

— You pay at least a dollar more than the minimum payment on your credit card bill.

— Your friends’ hook-ups and break-ups are now marriages and divorces.

— You attend parties that the police don’t raid.

— You’re not expected to leave the room when the adults are talking.

— You refer to college students as “those kids.”

— You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of just beer, beer and beer.

— You feed your dog Science Diet instead of leftover pizza.

— At 6 a.m., you’re putting your contact lens in instead of taking them out.

— Naps are no longer weekday options.

— Dating involves dinner and a movie, not keggers and Ecstasy.

— Grocery lists contain more than toilet paper and potato chips.

— Wass’up Dude is replace with hello Mr. XYZ

God! Why Me?

Gotcha. ūüôā

but as i promised in my last post here comes the “HAPPY POST!!”

So why this topic. Simple to get your attention. I asked this question when i was on the verge of getting terminated (not life but job). But then came this new mail like a “knight in Armour coming for the rescue of damsel in distress.” The word etched in gold, written in the ancient language of HRism. If you don’t know the language than you are in either of the two category. You were never employed or You are a member of the secret society of HR. So the mail brought the news of a potential “Job Opportunity.” and it also said that if i am not interested than i should forward it to my friends.

Thus started the journey from being a prospect employee to a indispensable asset. An interview was “scheduled.” which brings me to a question which i always ask my self¬† “Interview is derived from Inter + View. INTER means between two or more people or things and VIEW means to see. Combined it¬† gives the Meaning as two or more people seeing each other. But when we go for an interview its just the other guy asking questions?” Some times this so called process is also called “Technical discussion.” Those who are good at this old and mystic language of HRism please do let me know the answer.

On the appointed day I was there in the office for technical interview and there comes a fat ugly looking¬† guy and says “Santosh? Come!” No introduction as who he is or what he does. Shoots some question and leaves.¬† Lets not blame this fellow.¬† He is programmed to work like a machine. Exactly 9 hours a day (8 hours work plus one hour of lunch). Never had a GF, Married to a women, Has a car but takes company cab, Smiles at his junior when he is about to screw them and seniors when he know he is screwed. And thinks that the Company HR is the most beautiful person the world. These type of species are called Manager. Refer my this post for more info on them.

Than comes guys who calls himself HR head. But i don’t believe him. Because HR is a secret society and the person standing in front of me is MALE. which cant be possible! but he said you are hired Welcome to <BEEP> <BEEP>. Yeah i am being secretive because there is another society called the-angry-and-screw-you-type-of-managers-and-Company-Representatives. Who don’t like the employees to write about company.

All in all i am Hired and working again. Those asking for  party can come down to Bangalore and we will go some place nice for a drink and than you can pay the bill and drop me home.

P.S.-> if you can’t understand the above post or some of the words than please contact someone who is employed or get hold of a HR (if you can find one do let me know)

Winner all the way

This post is dedicated to the loser, like me, all round the globe. Its just to show them that they can win if they try really hard. I have been given my first blogging award by Arshat Editor-in-Chief TPI. 

blogaward

If you cant read this than for your reference it reads “FUCKING FABULOUS BLOG” It means my BLOG is FUCKING its reader FABULOUSLY.¬†

After watching the Oscars live I wanted to give a long speech but the rules of the awards asked me do something else. 

  • ¬†Put the image on your blog
  • ¬†List 10 truths about yourself
  • ¬†Give the award to 5 other people
  • ¬†Provide meaningful quotation

The image is already here.  So its one down and before i give it some more people this award let me list some Ugly lies bout me. Why lies? cos truth is nothing but white lie.

Here we go

  1. I am at present¬†Masquerading as one of the person I thought that I am done with. ¬†I re-registered this person’s ¬†mail id which was deleted¬†
  2. I had two so called GF’s and presently both of them don’t even care that I exist let alone alive. Incidently both of them are out of india at present one in England with Hubby and second in Canada.
  3. The last time I traveled 2nd class sleeper in train I had to pay fine for not having a valid ticket. 
  4. My Present obssesion is tele series F.R.I.E.N.D.S. I am downloading them like crazy
  5. During a company interview I was asked “why i got less marks in engineering and 12?” I told “I never got less marks I got more marks during my 10th Exams!” Belive it or not i was selected.
  6. I saw my first porn when I was in class 8. It was one of the advantages of going a boarding school. and yeah the room had some 30+ guys watching the movie with me.
  7. My fav teacher during school days was the librarian because she never said anything when I bunked class. Not library classes but the regular classes and went to hide (hang) out in library.
  8. ¬†I used to write a diary called “Myself.” It was during my school days, ¬†when i was going through some rough patches. Six year down the line I still have that notebook. Its just one note book but its was my feeling for myself.¬†
  9. At one time I was watch freak and I changed them at of the rate of one per year. Then came mobile phone and they had the same life time. At present its my jobs which I am changing more or less at 1 per year. 
  10.  I got my first check when I did a voluteering work for a Theater Festival. It was of Rs1500. In return i lost 1 months of colleges and one full internal exams. 

Note to Arshat I hope that I was able to keep up your¬†testerone¬†level high. because we engineer get High on either Words or Wine ūüôā

Now come the hardest part giving away to people. There are loads of them but 

I will gove two quotes instead of one. 

If two past lovers remain friends, it’s either they are still in love.. or they never were…  РUnknown

 

Love is touch, A kiss, a glance that can make any day feel like the first day of spring.. ¬†–Unknown

P.S. ->I got these quote during my school days and I love them so much that I still remember them.

Am I the one?

This is to officially announce that I am in search of a new job :). I know its so called recession but Software are still getting built and New Operating System (OS) is getting release. BTW if you don’t know what is an OS? A simple answer will be window Xp and Vista are examples of OS.

I just had a thought am I the one who will actually come to know “How does it feel to be jobless at all the time of recession?” I lost my first job when recession was a newly-coined term for the Indians. The Indian share market were going strong, and rumors of US crisis were a thing we people used to joke about and Bang!! came the termination letter. When my friends and family asked what happened i told them i am the one of the first indian victim of recession.

It was luck that I landed up in my present company just days before of Great Market Crash of January 2008. Within a year the real recession kicked into effect and my company planned to send 10% of its work force of Forced Leave. It was my bad luck that i was one among those 10%.

Now i have got a real serious problem in front of me. Its not Money Money is a problem but not as serious as the one i am facing now. And that is . What will i say to people when they will ask me why i thrown?

Dear Manager

I, on behalf of all my fellow software engineers, want to tell my dear PM the following points to remember. Hope they will understand. Hail Coding. Powered by ctrl+c, Driven By ctrl+v

1.  Never give me work in the morning.   Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.  The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2.¬† If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going.¬† That helps.¬† Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

3.¬† Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going.¬† It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4.¬† If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me.¬† I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

5.¬† If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is priority.¬† I am psychic.

6.  Do your best to keep me late.  I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.  I have no life beyond work.

7.  If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret.  If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8.¬† If you don’t like my work, tell everyone.¬† I like my name to be popular in conversations.¬† I was born to be whipped.

9.¬† If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.¬† No use confusing me with useful information.

10.¬† Never introduce me to the people you’re with.¬† I have no right to know anything.¬† In the corporate food chain, I am plankton.¬† When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11.¬† Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to managers’ hell.

12.¬† Tell me all your little problems. ¬† No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate.¬† I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.

13.¬† Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating ¬† with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money anyway.

Saw this at some website and thought should share with all you guys ūüôā