Dear Manager

I, on behalf of all my fellow software engineers, want to tell my dear PM the following points to remember. Hope they will understand. Hail Coding. Powered by ctrl+c, Driven By ctrl+v

1.  Never give me work in the morning.   Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.  The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2.  If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going.  That helps.  Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

3.  Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going.  It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4.  If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me.  I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

5.  If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is priority.  I am psychic.

6.  Do your best to keep me late.  I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.  I have no life beyond work.

7.  If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret.  If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8.  If you don’t like my work, tell everyone.  I like my name to be popular in conversations.  I was born to be whipped.

9.  If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.  No use confusing me with useful information.

10.  Never introduce me to the people you’re with.  I have no right to know anything.  In the corporate food chain, I am plankton.  When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11.  Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to managers’ hell.

12.  Tell me all your little problems.   No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate.  I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.

13.  Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating   with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money anyway.

Saw this at some website and thought should share with all you guys 🙂

7 thoughts on “Dear Manager”

  1. man i went through each and every point in my work life… i could actually go down memory lane and imagine certain incidents from my past work life…

    nostalgia at its best… copied from another website doesnt matter as long as it conveys the message and this one sure did…

    Reply

  2. OOops.. For 2 days I have been reading your posts. Am not thru with this as yet. BTW I kine this new look of your blog. Where’s your Photo?

    About this post:I thought you were seriously writing this to your PM.. Nice Share.

    And boy, i have to confess you something, I am Back in the blogosphere at the same address.

    Reply

  3. Until the last line I thought that it was experience & was planning to pen down how very true..!!! nevertheless I guess everyone agrees here.. Good post ..Hail Ctrl+C Ctrl+V 😀

    Reply

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