Dear Manager

I, on behalf of all my fellow software engineers, want to tell my dear PM the following points to remember. Hope they will understand. Hail Coding. Powered by ctrl+c, Driven By ctrl+v

1.  Never give me work in the morning.   Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.  The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2.  If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going.  That helps.  Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

3.  Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going.  It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4.  If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me.  I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

5.  If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is priority.  I am psychic.

6.  Do your best to keep me late.  I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.  I have no life beyond work.

7.  If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret.  If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8.  If you don’t like my work, tell everyone.  I like my name to be popular in conversations.  I was born to be whipped.

9.  If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.  No use confusing me with useful information.

10.  Never introduce me to the people you’re with.  I have no right to know anything.  In the corporate food chain, I am plankton.  When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11.  Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to managers’ hell.

12.  Tell me all your little problems.   No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate.  I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.

13.  Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating   with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money anyway.

Saw this at some website and thought should share with all you guys 🙂

Movies and More

Last few day saw me watching loads of movies and before you get your ideas running all of the them were family movies. (Albit my sense of family is just husband and wife). Some them including Slumdog Millionaire (Yeah Its Pirated), Cindrella Men, Ghajini, OLLO, Rab Ne and etc… (These are censored ones).

I liked most of the them. Some for few minutes and some during the casting shown at the end. I liked Ghajini for “few minute” and before you people start to shoot flame mails i wish to say that the hype actually killed the interest in the film. Had it been a little less of publicity film than it would have been  liked.  Its the same as the kuchelan of Rajnikanth. Its was a hit but not because of the story but the hype called Rajnikanth.

I liked the Slumdog.  And it not only because its a Rags to Riches story but the way the story unfolds. It has three story of same person running simultaneously and you are never confused between the three. i love this movie becuase its so down to earth. At the time when anil kapoor (anchor of KBC) ask the Dev Patel (The hero and a Office Boy at a Telecom Company) that if he gets lots of 100$ Bills for his services. and pat the boy replies “Its the minimum in my line of Business.” The music is another Rehman’s greatism. Though i liked the music of Lagaan and Taal more than that of the Slumdog. I Recommend that you guys listen to the western version of Ishq Bina(Taal) and and English and hindi Mix of O re Chori (Lagaan).

Coming to music. I have listen loads of songs on my PMP bought few months back. Some of my roomies said its not good as an iPod. My answer to them “Get an iPod and than talk.” but what i wish to say is that i have been playing some really cool songs. Some of the songs which i have liked are . Emosonal Atyachaar (Dev. D), Title Song of Oye Lucky! Lucky Oye!. No Its not because of abahy doel and his cutes.(i still don’t find him cute)

If hate remixes than i would suggest that you listen to these remixes. and before you say “WTF Remix, again”??  Its not exactly remix but they are type of experimental projects where origianl artist sing the song but with hell more than instruments playing in the background than the original. Listen to them once and you will forget the original songs. They can be found at www.cokestudio.com.pk or coke studio. The best part is that you can actually download the videos and MP3’s from the site. My recommendation is Sar Kiye Ye Pahar By Strings. Thanks to alok from Alok’s Crib Sheet for passing me the link.

Emosanal

If you have deciphered the post name than i can safely classify you in one of the two category.  First that you know me well. (Or should i say very well). And the second category will be that you are of the my league in Spelling Bee. I still rememeber that after writing “language and diction test” (In simple english Spelling test) for the fourth time i was give 4 out of 20.  Dont ask me the mark of first 3 attempts.

But the thing is after reading one full para on spelling and stuff and you are not able to decipher the post name than please download the song the listen to it.

No i am not at all doing any promos for Anurag Kashyap’s Upcoming film Ded. D which is claimed to me made as modern version of Devdas. I wish to ask mr Anurag Kashyap “Why?” had we not enough of these remakes that you doing a mordern remake of the movie. But than on the other hand i think if shahrukh khan can do it than why not abhay deol. (Mind you i have heard guys calling him cute. and it wasn’t me)

It seems that the title of the post has become more important than the post it self. Just look at it 3 paras over and we are yet to get out of the post title and why such a title. the reason being I never thought that i am an emotional guy and i will ever be.

But of late i have shown all the emotions i can think of.

  1. Funny – Some of my posts are a testimonial to it.
  2. Bore – Read point one
  3. Sad – After i saw my CAT score just now.  Its 73.29 Percentile.
  4. Happy – I never attended any coaching classes and saved 20 thousand rupees
  5. Anger – The last post on SMAM was written because i was angry (I dont know how it turned out to be happy post)
  6. Depression – when i missed her

Just let me know of any other emosion and i will add them too. Now the time for our super hit song. BTW this song has got what we will a Brass Band beat. For the unknown the brass band is the band which mostly plays at marriage.

Download It from here

SMAM

Smam – (Pronounced: es-ma-am)

noun, verb, smaming, smammed

-noun

1. (lowercase) a disruptive, esp. commercial message posted on a mobile network or sent as SMS (Short Message Service).

–verb (used with object)

2. (lowercase) to send smam to.

–verb (used without object)

3. (lowercase) to send smam.

-Origin

SM (S) + (SP) AM = SMAM. First used at http://KrishnaUsha.com by s4n705h.

I am really pissed off with the people who keep on sending me promotional SMS. Some of the example of the benefits which i was missed because these SMAM reached me late.

  • Asking me to get a hair cut when i am looking at my bald head in mirror
  • Enjoy a tummy full brunch when i was planning to go for a diet
  • Get slim in 3 days after i have spent 5000 on new cloths
  • Get a credit card, Free for life, when I got 3 of my cards blocked.
  • Messages from vodafone on my Airtel number to switch loyalty
  • Free broadband connection @ XXX Rs/month after my roomie sold is age old PC to kabadiwala (Junk Yard)
  • Free ticket for a Flop Movie after a i have seen it on my Computer.

But the one offer i am will miss the most will be the one i got today. It said

“!!Urgent! Your number has been selected for a $5000 prize guranteed! To claim your prize call +447559051607.”

For those who wish to claim this offer please call up the above mentioned number and get your self some money. But remeber to pass me some money.

Stepping into the cook’s shoe

What else could be the best way to welcome the new year. You are dead drunk and still attend calls from family and friends. Dance some of the most obscene step including the nagina dance.  Note:- The video coming soon :).

but this post is not about the new year but its my love with the kitchen and the becoming a cooker a few weeks back. The day being sunday and a cook off day . It was me who had to don the role of our cook. Yeah i know its should be the HAT but my cook is yet to know what is  HAT and an Apron so its the shoes for the time being.

Here is my version of Paneer Masala.

Serves – 3-4 people

Time needed  – Minimum 40- 45 minutes (from peeling of onions to the final dish)

Ingrediants:

Oil – 3-4 Spoons (Type is your choice olive, mustard, refined, sunflower)

Onions Puree – 3-4 medium size (Just put them in mixie)

Ginger Garlic and Green Chili Paste – one spoon

Tomato Puree -3-4 medium size (Just put them in mixie)

Garam Masala – half to 3/4 Tea spoon (dont put too much)

Salt – To Taste

and Paneer – Diced (Quantity- Its on you how much you want)

How to make:

If you have the above mentioned ingredients than it should look like some thing like this

Starting Up

PS:- Make sure you do this on a low flame. The low falme add some extra taste 🙂

And than take a wok (kadahi) and put the oil in and let it get warm. Add  Ginger Garlic and Green Chili Paste and fry it for second or two.Adding Ginger garlic and green chilies

And add the onion puree and keep stirring fr 5-6 minute. add salt and garam masala. and keep stirring the onion puree  till is becomes 1/3 of its quantity. and start to look something like this.

After onions

Than add the tomato puree and reduce it again to 1/3 of the quantity. and should look like this.

After Tomato

if you take a whiff of the the product in making it should it not smell of garam masala. add water as per your need. how much gravy you need. add paneer and simmer for few minutes and you are done . should the final product look like this. 🙂

Final Paneer Masala

Do let me know how it tastes.

Disclaimer : BTW this whole recipie is written under the spell of intoxication and the authors guarantees the product will be the best you have tasted in recent times.