With Loads of Kisses.

When work kills the only way to survive is to work. here is a mail forward i got today loved the angle so posting it!!

A letter has been sent from a husband:

Dear Sweetheart:

I can’t send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart, your husband.

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart, Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month’s milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items.
5. Other expenses 40 kisses

Please don’t worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope that I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, please advise.

Your Sweet Heart.

The weekend I had!!!

It started the same way @ 8PM with “8PM.” (Or was it Bacardi?).

Confused?? Read my last post. For more!

I never knew that this weekend wont be the same as the my other “Pre Planned” weekends. We had the most memorable Friday night party.

Here is what happened.

We all had good night of party till 1AM at our local den. Than the owner came down and asked for the money just to know that we had none!! If you are thinking that we were beaten up than you are wrong. WE were neither beaten up nor made to wash the dirty plates for two days. It was just me who had to do all the honors. The rest of them just fled away and I was left to face the death sentence.

The weekend started with half a cup of cold tea and half a dozen TUBS full of dirty dish.

Saturday was full of chicken and Paneer dishes (To be washed)! And Sunday was full cries and moans. After a good washing and cleaning any one will cry in pain!

(Washing: Dhulayi in Hindi or beating in English)

The art of losing money…

How can you lose money and still be happy. Don’t know!! Ask me. I have doing the same for past few months now.

I been losing a big chunk of my money and I am not even complaining. Some of you may think that I am spending my money on either of these: –

1. Gambling
2. Pros.
3. Drinking (liquor, I do but once in a full moon)
4. Shopping (Yet to become a husband)
5. Smoking (trying to quit)

It’s not because of any of my bad habit, even if I have them. Its been taken away from me before I can get my hand on it. I was so shocked when they took it away for the first time. I went I asked them why are you taking my hard earned money from me. And they said you are earning too much so we are here to take a percentage of your money from you. For this we have talked to your company and they are to provide me with a percentage of your money.

For those who don’t know I have been earning this money with loads of pain. I have to sit on a revolving chair for 8 hours at stretch (excluding coffee and lunch breaks) doing what ever I wish to do, including chatting, blogging and surfing whole day.

I wont allow them to take that money from me. So I asked them how not to get them taking money from me. “ Thou shalt invested in Mutual funds, NSC, PPF, PF shalth you wishth to save some earnings!!!” (You shall invest in (all this crap) if you wish to save your earning)

I am talking about the Income deduction done by the company as TDS. The person taking away my money is Income Tax department of India. So I have to invest my money of I don’t want to pay tax. Thus I have to live a life of pauper either way. Pay the IT guys and get less income or invest the money in as to save tax and still stay pauper.

Modesty In victory!

If you are an English professor please let me know the meaning of the title. All I know that this was my house motto. Not of the house I live in but the houses at school in which they divide the students into. You belong to blue house or yellow house. The system has changed now I asked a kid which house he is in blue or red (or some other color) and he said, “ No I am not in any of those houses. I am ivory House and my best friend is in mint house. And my house motto is ‘Break away’. And my best friend house motto is ‘ever fresh’” It reminded me of my house motto and when I learnt the meaning of that.

I: Madam what does my house motto means?
Madam: Stupid you don’t know that!!
I: no ma’am.
Madam: it means “one must stay modest even when one wins.”
I: Thank you ma’am

I remained in MODEst in all my victories. Whenever I won something I changed my mode from sad to happy but when it comes to treat it changes from happy to angry so that no one asks me for a treat. Last time I became modest was when I my project guide had a meeting with me.

Guide: we have called this meating to notify you that the product you are working on is to be finished before time.
Me: how much before?
Guide: say 5 days from now
Me: WTF! It’s till one month before deadline
Guide: That’s why I have called this meating . No go and start slogging the meat of the ass.

After that I got the meaning of meatings. It’s called to tell an individual how he/ she will be meated (butchered). I was working in this company to save myself from getting skinned. So I shot a mail to my supervisor

After today’s meeting I am ready to
work and give my best and not
resign soon. I will be working
18 – 20 hours per day not just
8 hours as was told, when I joined.
I wouldn’t be asking for any
Salary hikes till it’s given, I wouldn’t
ask for any change of designation and
be working for company’s good future.
It’s foolish of people who say
it’s impossible to finish on time. I
think the job is really small and I don’t
need of lots of resources to finish the job

Please read the above letter again but just the odd line starting from after today’s…

VOTM @ U2B.in Interview!!

Few days after winning the award of the VOTM @ u2b.in i got a call from chief editor for an interview. I said i will see as i am busy. But while putting down the phone i said ( habitually) “See ya later” and he landed up in at my place the same evening. All was done he took an interview but again he made the mistake of Hear Amritsar, Go Bihar. (misinterpreting me and than writing up thing that was not meant)

the part written wrong is in italics and the correction is in the( brackets following it )

Q1. Sir it is all over the net that you have been awarded ‘VOTM’ title by U2B.in… your reaction?
Well i am really happy to know that I have been chosen for this pretigious award. I had this feeling some where that I am the only one in the race. I would like to thank my dear collegue/ Maid and security guard to give a supporting hand (and leg) while i used to read http://www.u2b.in. Also, I would like to thank my Mom and Dad for wasting their money and time to educate me so that I can visit U2B.in everyday and comprehend the so called content that is posted there.

Q2. VOTM is a very prestigious title…How did your family react when they got this news.?
My father went into coma for the 1st 17 minutes(his doctors have instructed me never-ever I should mention anything about U2B.in to him).

My mom was at the beauty parlour when she got the news… I was told that somehow she started behaving like Nana Patekar… she slapped her self a few times.. banged her head against the wall( banged the beauticians head agaisnt the mirror)…kicked the beautician a few times (For not able to make my mom look like aishwarya).

My dog has already bitten 27people. It seems he wanted to win the race for number of hits. Mine being 27 to u2b.in.
My cook has stopped cooking and has taken a resolution That till he dosent make Bheja Fry ( “without bheja” fry of the chairman, as he is yet to have some brains) of the Chairman of U2b.in he wont cook.

Q3. U2B.in has spent some huge resources to publicize this VOTM event… your comments?
Stop publicizing.( Keep it up) It is a serious waste (proper use) of resource. I have got a better option for you. Give me the award every month.( and keep publicizing my victory) I have no qualm of receiving the award. However, it will be U2B.in’s responsibility to communicate this news to my parents (dog, maid and cook) everytime I get the award.

Q4. What would be your advice to the Chairman of U2B.in ?
Keep up the great work. I love the site so much that I have planned to launch a service called Crapd.in (make sure you shut down the site before my site comes up)

Q5. The official photographers of U2B.in were brutally kicked in the stomach by your maid and securtity men… Why did they behave so violently ? How did you control the situation ?
It seems that you have not read todays news paper. I have already asked for an apology and have issued a statement saying I was not aware of this situation.

It seems that my maid and security guard were busy watching abhi ash marriage footage and were really worked after seeing Amar Singhji running after Jaya Aunty.

I am exteremly sorry for my maid, cook and securities activities…to make good, I would like to give the exclusive online rights to host the wedding site of my dear and near “Komalangini sukumari sakhhu BAI Gayekwad” and “Bir
Suraj Samsher Jung BAHADUR Thapa” ( There pet/ Household names has been put in caps). Infact I want the chairman to perform the Kanyadaan for the bride.

Q6. The buzz is in the air that, the VOTM for the next quarter is already decided and again it is YOU… Are you overjoyed ?
Well I dont want to show off and tell the world what a great personality I am. I am very happy with what I have…though I have already won thhis prestigious title and it was a really tough competition. ( BTW, I
was told that I was the only participant). I think only time will tell who is the winner for the next quater. Let us wait and watch…I will surely love to win this title…(You think I am a f*&#% moron to visit this F&^@$% site everyday and not win?)

Q7. What do you have to tell the netizens..?
Its a very good question. Ahem… Hmm.. welll.. arrrr…. I would say …… hmmmm.. welllll….. (after some head tapping and foot banging) WTF do you mean by Netizen? Who is that ??