seriously serious!!

For last few days I tried to become as philosophical as much as I can get. There are reasons for everything. The reason of my being serious was something really serious. Here it goes.

I am a superstitious human being. My classmate during my school days told me that if I see a dream early in the morning, the dream would come true. I never believed them because I always saw a dream that it was holyday in my school. I even took colors to celebrate but my teachers beat me up black and blue. Than my friends told me only the bad dreams that come true.

A few days back I have been getting up after seeing one bad dream. The dreams are so threatening that I wake startled. The height of repetitiveness is so much that I hear the same background music.

The dream → I am sitting on my office chair for more than 3 hours now. 3 hours doing something which is the dream of every software engineer. All of them know that now all the torture of the engineering days is being paid back in ten folds. I am doing what I always wanted to do. I asked one of my friends “Hey you know that so and so guy is joining my company” and he scraped back saying “old news, dude!! Tell me something new!!” I have been exchanging events and gossips with my friend who is another company via the most reliable agent called Orkut! The tag line of orkut, “who do you know!” fascinated me so much that today I have 1386 friends.
Welcome to the world of scraping and orkuting.

After those 3 hours of non-stop orkuting I get a call from the system admin telling me to stop scraping else “We will SCRAPE you out!! From than on Orkut is blocked in my company. I am sitting perspiring in the AC thinking “Kya hoga Nimmo ka (I mean mera)” will the sys admin be calling up my supervisor and telling him about my mischief or will he be leavening me after the warning. The bond tune start in background! (It’s such a suspense) I am scared! I shout out loud and wake up to the dream with my mobile alarm ringing to the tune of 007!!!

VOTM @ U2B.in Interview!!

Few days after winning the award of the VOTM @ u2b.in i got a call from chief editor for an interview. I said i will see as i am busy. But while putting down the phone i said ( habitually) “See ya later” and he landed up in at my place the same evening. All was done he took an interview but again he made the mistake of Hear Amritsar, Go Bihar. (misinterpreting me and than writing up thing that was not meant)

the part written wrong is in italics and the correction is in the( brackets following it )

Q1. Sir it is all over the net that you have been awarded ‘VOTM’ title by U2B.in… your reaction?
Well i am really happy to know that I have been chosen for this pretigious award. I had this feeling some where that I am the only one in the race. I would like to thank my dear collegue/ Maid and security guard to give a supporting hand (and leg) while i used to read http://www.u2b.in. Also, I would like to thank my Mom and Dad for wasting their money and time to educate me so that I can visit U2B.in everyday and comprehend the so called content that is posted there.

Q2. VOTM is a very prestigious title…How did your family react when they got this news.?
My father went into coma for the 1st 17 minutes(his doctors have instructed me never-ever I should mention anything about U2B.in to him).

My mom was at the beauty parlour when she got the news… I was told that somehow she started behaving like Nana Patekar… she slapped her self a few times.. banged her head against the wall( banged the beauticians head agaisnt the mirror)…kicked the beautician a few times (For not able to make my mom look like aishwarya).

My dog has already bitten 27people. It seems he wanted to win the race for number of hits. Mine being 27 to u2b.in.
My cook has stopped cooking and has taken a resolution That till he dosent make Bheja Fry ( “without bheja” fry of the chairman, as he is yet to have some brains) of the Chairman of U2b.in he wont cook.

Q3. U2B.in has spent some huge resources to publicize this VOTM event… your comments?
Stop publicizing.( Keep it up) It is a serious waste (proper use) of resource. I have got a better option for you. Give me the award every month.( and keep publicizing my victory) I have no qualm of receiving the award. However, it will be U2B.in’s responsibility to communicate this news to my parents (dog, maid and cook) everytime I get the award.

Q4. What would be your advice to the Chairman of U2B.in ?
Keep up the great work. I love the site so much that I have planned to launch a service called Crapd.in (make sure you shut down the site before my site comes up)

Q5. The official photographers of U2B.in were brutally kicked in the stomach by your maid and securtity men… Why did they behave so violently ? How did you control the situation ?
It seems that you have not read todays news paper. I have already asked for an apology and have issued a statement saying I was not aware of this situation.

It seems that my maid and security guard were busy watching abhi ash marriage footage and were really worked after seeing Amar Singhji running after Jaya Aunty.

I am exteremly sorry for my maid, cook and securities activities…to make good, I would like to give the exclusive online rights to host the wedding site of my dear and near “Komalangini sukumari sakhhu BAI Gayekwad” and “Bir
Suraj Samsher Jung BAHADUR Thapa” ( There pet/ Household names has been put in caps). Infact I want the chairman to perform the Kanyadaan for the bride.

Q6. The buzz is in the air that, the VOTM for the next quarter is already decided and again it is YOU… Are you overjoyed ?
Well I dont want to show off and tell the world what a great personality I am. I am very happy with what I have…though I have already won thhis prestigious title and it was a really tough competition. ( BTW, I
was told that I was the only participant). I think only time will tell who is the winner for the next quater. Let us wait and watch…I will surely love to win this title…(You think I am a f*&#% moron to visit this F&^@$% site everyday and not win?)

Q7. What do you have to tell the netizens..?
Its a very good question. Ahem… Hmm.. welll.. arrrr…. I would say …… hmmmm.. welllll….. (after some head tapping and foot banging) WTF do you mean by Netizen? Who is that ??

How To become a WoP!!

One day a Novice came to the Master.
“Master,” he said, “How is it that I may become a Writer of Programs?”
the Master looked solemly at the Novice.
“Have you in your possession a Compiler of Source Code?” the Master asked.
“No,” replied the Novice.
the Master sent the Novice on a quest to the Store of Software.

Many hours later the Novice returned.
“Master,” he said, “How is it that I may become a Writer of Programs?”
the Master looked solemly at the Novice.
“Have you in your possession a Compiler of Source Code?” the Master asked.
“Yes,” replied the Novice.
the Master frowned at the Novice.
“You have a Compiler of Source. What now can prevent you from becoming
a Writer of Programs?”
the Novice fidgeted nervously and presented his Compiler of Source to
the Master.
“How is this used?” asked the Novice.
“Have you in your possession a Manual of Operation?” the Master asked.
“No,” replied the Novice.
the Master instructed the Novice as to where he could find the
Manual of Operation.

Many days later the Novice returned.
“Master,” he said, “How is it that I may become a Writer of Programs?”
the Master looked solemly at the Novice.
“Have you in your possession a Compiler of Source Code?” the Master asked.
“Yes,” replied the Novice.
“Have you in your possession a Manual of Operation?” the Master asked.
“Yes,” replied the Novice.
the Master frowned at the Novice.
“You have a Compiler of Source, and a Manual of Operation. What now can
prevent you from becomming a Writer of Programs?”

At this the Novice fidgeted nervously and presented his Manual of Operations to
the Master.
“How is this used?” asked the Novice.
the Master closed his eyes, and heaved a great sigh.
the Master sent the Novice on a quest to the School of Elementary.

Many years later the Novice returned.
“Master,” he said, “How is it that I may become a Writer of Programs?”
the Master looked solemly at the Novice.
“Have you in your possession a Compiler of Source Code, a Manual of Operation
and an Education of Elementary?” the Master asked.
“Yes,” replied the Novice.
the Master frowned at the Novice.
“What then can prevent you from becomming a Writer of Programs?”

the Novice fidgeted nervously. He looked around but could find nothing to
present to the Master. the Master smiled at the Novice.
“I see what problem plagues you.” said the Master.
“Oh great master, please tell me.” asked the Novice.

the Master turned the Novice toward the door, and with a supportive hand on his
shoulder said, “Go young Novice, and Read The Fucking Manual.”

And so the Novice became enlightened.

I have changed myself!!!

Though i have been changing my self from the time i was a kid but tis time its different. I still remember the time when i was a tiny drop of liquid and i took a solid shape to become a human being. That was some 23 years back. after that i had to change my self loads of time Physically and mentally. But not as i the same way as i have done before my birth.

The latest change was when i tried to make a transition from a cool looking politician to a funny looking teenager. From politician i remember i love politics as God loves the Devils, and my interest in politics is as much as that of a House wife in cricket. but still i like my politician looks. because of the simple reason if you have got a politician looks people give you lots of respect. At least when you are in front of them. Here is my photo which was taken when i was at a talk show.

Santosh Politician

But soon it became really difficult to live that way. the other day one of my neighbour came running to my home and said that someone stole his cane which was used by him to command his cow. Now he wants me to ask the policemen to find his cane. and if i don’t do it he was planning to release his Bull on me when i leave my room. I was bolted inside my room for 3 days. ( I have a bathroom which is outside I thought its better to switch to my earlier life that of student.

my student life was not this good and lavish but it was much better and with no tension.(the only tension was GF, Which sadly or luckily i never had any).

Here is how i look when i got my old (new) student looks. The comments i received from all quarters ranged from : “have you seen the serial alif laila in recent past” by one of my collegues to “Dont come to my home till i milk my buffalo or it Continue reading I have changed myself!!!

Height of Pain

Saturday 13th April 2007

Time

7:30Am – Alarm is blaring on its peak to wake me up.

8:05Am – Mobile rings. Colleague “Where the F*<# are you? you are one of the events coordinators”

8.15Am – same guy “WTF where is the FU<#!^& bus we hired. we were to leave for office at 8.00.” Some more apologies. buddy its Saturday and we are going to office cant you keep quiet for a moment..

8:30Am – Leave for office. Have breakfast. People are getting fidgety.

9 .00Am – Board the bus to go for the Picnic @ a local waterfall cum trekking destination

Ahh ha.. we were on our way to the picnic. what a nice idea to have a picnic away from the clatter of the keyboards and noise of the meeting rooms. That includes some walking some trekking and loads of fun.

We reached a small stream at about 11:15 and the driver refused to go beyond that stream. the 40 odd of us started our walking from the same point. 1 hour and 3 Km later. we see a Bus standing out of no where. Just to find that the bus actually left us to walk to a hefty 3 km. half of us were already half dead and with all the water bottles empty Death seemed inevitable. It was than the pain in our legs started to creep up. a slow soothing pain which was not to go so easily and there was a mountain towering in front of us to be climbed. (The real trekking starts from here). It was another hour and half before we were actually on top of that small mountain to reach the falls.

suddenly one of us said the following lineख

picture-2.png

We swam and played a lot but when it time came everyone was ready to take another dip in the pool and drown but not to go back.. The trip tot he small mountain would pain so much we never knew. It was a pain int he ass for me to get every back to the bus. (Pain in the ass because i slipped at the falls and landed on a rock. the ass is still aching from the fall the trip)